It's not nice to ask for my ID and then call me ma'am!

(Hmm, look at that. I started this entry on June 21 and never finished. It's only been two months since I updated. Oops. I spent the morning reading a couple of new blogs and decided I should come update my own. Apparently reading blogs is the key to writing them, for me at least. Now let's go on with the chlorophyll.)
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I seemed to be trapped in some weird age where my skin thinks I'm 15 and my hair thinks I'm 60. There is something unfair about having gray hair and acne at the same time. They shouldn't even be allowed to exist on the same head.

I found my first gray hair when I was 20, so the gray hair doesn't really bother me. I think women who find them early just shrug it off. And apparently women who find their first gray at 30 do not. At least based on my Facebook friends list of people complaining about their first gray hair.

Not the best pic but you get the point.

Sometimes I think about coloring my hair to cover the gray. But then I remember that I go months between haircuts and decide I should just leave it alone. I don't really enjoy getting my haircut. I have to sit still and make small talk for 30 minutes or longer. I did like the guy that cut it last time, which was back in April. Maybe I should make an appointment and have it cut again. It's getting so long that I'm pulling it when I sit down. (Not because it's Crystal Gayle length or anything but because it's behind my back and when I move, it gets stuck between me and the chair.) --Let's see. I got mauled by a cougar, my Crystal Gayle shirt is ruined, and I didn't learn dick about driving. Other than that, it was great. -- What was I talking about?Oh, I have decided that if I start coloring it then I'll have to keep doing it and then I'll be poor and annoyed. So gray hair isn't so bad.


And seriously, what's with the acne? My skin wasn't this bad when I went through puberty or when I was in high school. I don't get it. Maybe it's pollution. Or just a mean trick my body is playing on me.


For some reason people have started calling me ma'am. Which is kind of funny to me and I'm not used to hearing it. I am 32 so I guess I am a ma'am but it's still weird. A couple of weeks ago we went to a bar in The Woodlands and the cop at the door asked for my ID. And then said "thank you, ma'am!"  after he checked my birth date. Ouch! 

Wait? You're supposed to use a cell phone to talk to people?

Oops, I kind of got lazy about blogging again. Sorry about that!  I'm sure all 13 of you are very sad. Here's a pretty boring blog to bring you out of your lack-of-updating depression.
                                                                                     
I am not a big fan of talking on the phone. I prefer texting and email to communicate with people. I have an iPhone so it's easy to keep in touch with everyone. I knew I didn't use a lot of minutes because I have a huge amount of rollover minutes and I pay for the smallest amount of minutes that AT&T offers.

I was looking at my bill for last night and I noticed I used only one minute that wasn't mobile-to-mobile (I only used 12 of those probably talking to my mom or sister).

Pictures make the blog look cool, right?

I used quite a bit of data of course. It takes a lot of data to play Words with Friends all day and to stalk, I mean keep up with, people on Facebook.

My first cell phone plan back in 1998 only had 200 minutes. I guess most people go way over that now but I could easily go back to 200, or even 100. I have a home phone that I never use either. It rings every couple of days but it's never anyone I want to talk to. I only have it because when I set up my DSL, it was required. It'll come in handy if we have another hurricane and the cell towers are jammed for days like after Ike.

I apparently don't talk to that many people anyway. I have had this phone since the end of February and I still haven't put everyone's numbers in it. I added all of my family and maybe 15 other people. I should probably get around to that. I've gotten a couple of texts in the last week where I had to ask the person who they were. Maybe I'll get unlazy enough to do that this week.

Or not.

I doubt anyone missed me but I'm checking in just in case

My younger sister (who isn't that much younger than me so I try to never say little sister) had a baby last week. He's so precocious I want to kiss him to death. But I've been away from home since last Tuesday and I haven't even done laundry yet so I have clothes to wear to work tomorrow. I also haven't eaten dinner or unpacked my suitcase. I'm contemplating opening a bottle of wine. That would give me a reason to get off the couch. I've been sitting here without moving for at least three hours. If I get up, I suppose I could put some clothes in the washing machine since the Laundry Fairy is apparently just a figment of my imagination. Also, it's hot in here and I'm not sure the air conditioning is working.

I did however get my hair cut for the first time since like July of 2010 last week so I accomplished something in my absence. I'll leave you a picture of me pre-haircut but with a tiny baby. And I'll be back tomorrow to say something funny or witty or just plain stupid.

I can't promise this is going to be a funny post (unless you think fat people are funny)

You know what happens if you are lazy and eat whatever you want for a couple of years? Yeah, you get fat. Who knew, right? Someone should really tell people that.

The last few months of 2009 were the last time I was regularly in the gym. And I was doing great. I don't know what happened. It only takes a couple days of skipping the gym to get back into full sloth mode -- at least for me. I certainly wasn't thin back then, but I was working toward the goal of weighing less than a newborn elephant.

I was thin as a kid. I played outside and ran around and rode my bike all over the neighborhood. When I got into high school I was on the drill team for four years (insert embarrassing picture here). I wasn't fat but I was bigger than a lot of the girls I danced with. I certainly had a larger waist and "personality" than most of them. , I'm shaped more like an apple and carry weight mostly in my stomach and chest. Of course, when you weigh this much, it's pretty much everywhere.

The last time I weighed less than 200 pounds was probably 2008. I was going to the gym regularly and counting calories. I certainly wasn't skinny but I looked good. It makes me want to cry a little to see this picture now. Look how skinny my arm was! And that shirt wasn't from the plus size section. Ack!

Aggie Football game 2008

But I regressed into laziness and fatness once again. There aren't any excuses for this. Just me being lazy and liking to eat delicious food. This picture is from February. I think I see three chins. I don't have a wider shot to show you because like most people that get out of breath getting dressed in the morning, I avoid photos. You can certainly see the extra 50 pounds in my face though.

Feb 26, 2011 - BBQ Cookoff

Anyway, the point of this post wasn't to wallow in self pity but to talk about how I'm going to change it. Last week I unwrapped a Jillian Michaels DVD that someone gave me in December. Of 2009. Yeah, lazy.

Still in the plastic wrap

So, I'm working out. It's been a week and I've worked out three times. Definitely not as much as I should have, but I'm doing it. I know it'll help with lots of things, not just weight. I am sleeping terribly and grumpy and a little depressed. I think I might get a yoga DVD to do every other day. Jillian knows about getting in shape but she's a little too advanced for me right now. Plus I'd like to be able to touch my toes again.

It's kind of funny now to look back at what I thought was fat when I was in college. I had no idea. Dumb college kids!

Overheard in my office (and by overhead, I mean read in my email)

Background: I work at a graduate school in the admissions office and I've been working crazy hours for the last six months partly because our process is antiquated and it needs an update. We just started working on our new online application.

Paraphrased convo I had via email at work:
Coworker #1: Hey, could you two edit the newsletter draft this afternoon?
Me: I'm happy to take a look. I have a meeting about the new online app from 1-3 (YAY!) though so any time after that is good.
Coworker #2: Congrats on your meeting. I know you are excited.
Me: uhm, yeah. It's pretty much the most exciting thing going on in my life.

And I wasn't even kidding! How did I become such a freaking grown up?  Or a sad, sad individual depending on your point of view.

It's going to be a lot of work for some of my favorite people but it will be awesome when it's over. I seriously might do cartwheels down the hall when this is all finished. I just hope I don't break a hip and that no one video tapes it and puts it on YouTube because it's been about 15 years since I've done a cartwheel and no one needs to see that.

The only other semi-exciting thing going on is that one of my favorite bloggers, The Bloggess, chose my comment as the "comment of the day" yesterday. I debating even bringing this up because it's probably nerdy and lame to be as excited as I am, but then I remembered I am nerdy and lame and said fuck it. You can read my totally insightful, world-changing comment here.

Shocking news: People on the internet are weird

I love checking my blogger stats. It makes me feel loved if anyone reads it and that actually makes me want to update it more often. Maybe it's because I'm a middle child or maybe everyone feels the same way but I want people to like me. If they don't, that's cool too. But I find myself very funny and entertaining and want other people to feel the same way.

Lots of people get here from comments I make on other blogs (hi!) and from my twitter page because I post a link when I update this blog.

The stats page also shows if people searched on Google or another search engine and the phrases they used to get here. A couple of them make no sense. I am pretty sure I've never blogged about Depeche Mode but someone found this blog by googling it. I did have a dream about David Bowie a while back but I think that's the only music-related post on here.

Someone stumbled upon a post about me accidentally drinking vodka on the treadmill by searching "head hurt vodka." I hope they weren't looking for hangover remedies or explanations of why vodka makes your head hurt.

Sandpaper pedicure is actually a pretty popular search string that leads people here (to a post about how my cat licks my feet). I'm guessing people are looking for tips to get rid of calluses. I do not like feet so there is no way I'm going to google to find out.

I was going to post more about this but I got too lazy to finish.

UPDATE: Another thing people search is "overall jorts" which leads to a post about some awesomely dressed guys at an A&M football game. But if you put that into GIS now, it brings up my profile picture from this blog next to a picture of those guys. HILARIOUS!

Yippee ki yay, motherf***kers! (Or how to enjoy Texas stereotypes)

I've lived in Texas my entire life, always within 100 miles of Houston. I listen to some country music and have ridden a horse a couple of times a few decades ago but I don't have big hair like the TV show Dallas circa 1983 or own a gun. In fact, I've never even shot a gun, so I'm not exactly what you'd call a country girl. But I absolutely love the BBQ Cookoff weekend that precedes the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo.

If you've stumbled upon this blog from somewhere other than stalking me personally, then you probably know very little about HLSR. It's basically a rodeo competition (bull riding, roping, barrel racing, etc) mixed with a carnival, art show, livestock show, craft fair, concerts and food. Lots and lots of food (turkey leg or deep fried Oreo anyone?). The rodeo is a huge three-week event in Houston and the main goal is to raise money for college scholarships. More than 24,000 people volunteer throughout the year to help facilitate the whole thing. (I was one of those 24,000 the past few years but I just couldn't swing it this year with work being so crazy and me being such a lazy ass. The first show is tonight and I know I'll miss a good time.)

The Friday before the rodeo starts is Go Texan Day and everyone in Houston is encouraged to dress up in their cowboy and cowgirl best. Now, prior to the being on the committee, I didn't own any western wear at all. I bought some boots and wear them with a pair of jeans and a button down. These boots are the most expensive shoes I own, by a long shot. But when you have to be on your feet for hours, you need something that's comfy. I always dress up for Go Texan Day because it's the only day of the year where I can wear jeans to work.

Anyway, the weekend before the rodeo starts is the World Championship Bar-B-Que Contest (referred to as "cookoff" by all the cool people) and it's basically a giant party. It's open to the public but really the only way to go is if you have access to a private party, which are held in giant tents. My awesome friend/Super Woman Reneé is a sponsor for one of the cooking teams and a few years ago she invited all of us internet nerds to go with her. We pay a small fee and it includes all of the food and drinks we can handle in that tent. All of the money raised helps with scholarships so I like to call it "drinking for charity." Reneé lives close to Reliant so several girls and I spend the weekend at her house. It's an insane amount of fun.

The cookoff is what I assume most people think Texas is like. I've never lived outside of Texas but I have come across many people that are from other states and countries in my 32 years and it's kind of funny to hear their ideas of what they expected Texas to be like. Houston is the fourth largest city in the United States, so no, we don't ride horses to work and school. Texas is a huge, diverse state so there are more "country" areas than Houston of course but it's still a very modern place.

Cookoff weekend is stereotypically Texas though. This year, a record-breaking 244,184 people were at the cookoff Thursday-Saturday wearing their cowboy hats, boots, giant belt buckles, turquoise jewelry and jeans. There is tons of yummy bbq to eat and beer and liquor to drink. And there is people watching galore. It is amazing what people will wear and what they will do after a couple of ribs and a few Miller Lites.

On Saturday we walked out to the public stage where they have concerts to see Cory Morrow (who should never, ever rap) and there were several girls wearing late 1980s style denim dresses. No ma'am! And then there were the bumpits .

Bump, bump, bump it up!

There is also ample opportunity to drink too much and act silly. Luckily for me I wasn't on designated driver duty. This picture is from Saturday night. The tent we were in ran out of beer. So, I'm drinking bourbon and vodka (not mixed together but with water in each. Our friend Kristen drove down from Ft. Worth this year to go with us and she at one point decided she didn't want to hold two cups, so she poured the bourbon and water into the vodka and water. She said on Sunday that was a bad idea. No shit?)  I added a retro theme to this picture to cover up the fact that I'm swearing profusely. The last few years it has been freezing-ass cold during cookoff weekend. This year the weather was awesome but it was humid like only Houston can do humid.

Bottoms up, bottoms up!

If you ever have the opportunity to go to the cookoff, DO IT! And make sure to wear comfy shoes, take a camera (I took like 3 pictures with my iphone. I'm not a good cameraman. The other girls took some pictures but haven't sent them/posted them on Facebook yet) and be prepared to wash your hair 30 times to get rid of the BBQ smoke smell. After washing my hair three times, it still smells like a mixture of smoke and coconut shampoo.