Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Singles in the Kitchen

I live alone and as an aloner, I rarely cook a big dinner. I can't remember when I started helping in the kitchen. I know Mema (my grandmother, who I miss so much) would pull a chair up to the stove so I could stir the boiling pot of chicken broth and PET milk for the dumplins she was dropping in. I'm not sure letting a kid that couldn't see over the stove near an open flame was such a good idea, but it worked out for me. I was cooking easy dinners for the family by the time I was 12. Jarred spaghetti sauce and noodles? I can do that! Tacos? Done!

So, when I cook dinner now, I make way too much food. I buy way too many groceries to make one meal and I end up throwing a lot of food away. I can only eat Mexican casserole so many times before I'm sick of it. I will sometimes throw it in the freezer, but it just stays there for a few months until I toss it. I don't know why, but I never eat leftovers out of the freezer.

Even when I do cook a meal for myself, I have to buy more of things than I need. I don't need a whole bag of carrots to make chicken noodle soup. Same thing goes for celery ribs (mmm, ribs ... oh sorry, I got distracted).

So, if I had the money to do it and I wasn't a lazy ass -- I mean, seriously, I'm almost too lazy to post on this blog every day -- I'd open a chain of grocery stores for singles and people that don't buy for more than two.

I throw away sleeves of crackers and half-boxes of cereal all the time. I'm not a big ice cream person, so if I buy a half gallon of Blue Bell, I end up tossing at least half of it because it gets freezer burn. (I know, you're all thinking, a fat girl doesn't throw ice cream away. I would rather have an appetizer than a dessert. So I do throw ice cream away)

So, my propsal is this: The anti-Costco. While toilet paper (only Ultra Plush Quilted Northern for my hiney, please) by the ton is a good idea, food by the ton isn't a good idea for a single gal. I can't eat 25 pounds of carrots before they go bad. This anti-Costo needs a name. Dinky's? Pint Size? ooh, maybe PintCo. Mini Market? Petitez? Desparation? I like Petiez so far but maybe I'll come up with something awesomer.

Anyway, this grocery store would only sell the small size of things and you could buy a single carrot or a single chicken breast. Need a tiny amount of cliantro? We've got it. Need just one serving of Cookie Crisp and one cup of soy milk? We've got it. Got a late night craving for a grilled cheese? Come by Petitez and grap a couple slices of bread and a couple slices of cheese. Need one egg and a cup of flour to make cookies?

All of these items would be around the same price per oz/lb as items you buy in "bulk" at the grocery store now. If Ritz crackers are $2.59 for 4 sleeves of crackers, one sleeve would be about 75 cents. A carrot would be like 20 cents. An chicken breast would be $2.

I know I'm not the only singleton with issues like this. According to recent numbers from the Census bureau, there are 92 million single people above the age of 18 in the US. Which is 42% of aged 18 and up Americans.

Plus, when a you see a woman in a regular grocery store with a cart full of cat food, boxes of wine, chocolate bars and Lean Cuisine, you know she is most likely single. If you shopped at store for singles, maybe you wouldn't be the only one wheeling around the cart of hope and desperation.

(BTW, I'm sure everyone caught the sarcasm in that last line, but if not, I like being single and never feel desperate.)


  1. Love it! And, while you're picking up your single-size pack of tortillas and 2 eggs, you can also pick yourself up a date.

    (oh, but beer and wine will still be sold in the regular size packaging, right?)

  2. Absolutely! Maybe even jumbo! No one drinks as much as single people ;)