World's Laziest Blogger

Lake house laziness

2012-02-01T11:00:00.000-06:00

I spent the weekend at Lake Livingston being a complete and total lazy ass and it was amazing. Unfortunately I had to work Friday until 6:30 so I missed night one of Girls Weekend. I drove up straight from work on Friday though and did my best to make up from it. I'm pretty sure my liver is in shape for Vegas now (I fly out February 18). My goal for 2012 is to spend more time doing fun stuff and less time working. Girls weekend was the beginning of that. I have trips to Vegas and Disney World planned for the next several months.

View from where I was reading by the water, drink in hand

Since I'm too lazy to type up anything witty or funny, here are some pics. I haven't gotten over my Instagram obsession yet, by the way.

View from the porch

Test tube shooters that tasted like medicine

Beautiful sunset

Laura Tebowing and me Fostering

I'm going to attempt to be less lazy. We'll see how it goes.

2012-01-02T17:52:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe it's 2012. Especially since I have yet to see a flying car.

I'm going to try to not be so lazy in 2012. With blogging, with cleaning, with taking care of myself. All those things that people resolve to change every year. I quit making specific resolutions a few years ago because they seem to only set me up for failure. I try to make general improvements in my life each year. Some are easier than others and some I never quite accomplish.

This year, being less lazy is going to be the general mission. I have goals in mind and will try to work toward them, without being so critical of myself if I fail.

Happy New Year everyone!

I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And Cap'n Crunch is the bomb.

2011-12-08T22:00:00.001-06:00

I have pretty high self esteem. I don't obsess about looks (although maybe it's time to if I don't want to live alone forever with 37 cats but that's another post). I think I'm smart. I think I'm funny. I probably think I'm way funnier than anyone else does. I don't care if people don't like me but I do love it when people do.

I cannot believe how many people read my last blog and all the positive feedback I received. I guess I better step it up around here. Talking about accidentally getting drunk the treadmill isn't going to cut it any more. It's probably a good thing only 10 people read this thing usually because I doubt anything that profound will come out of my mouth/fingers for a while.

Sort of on the same subject, I get totally nerded out when famous people on Twitter reply to me or retweet me. Last week Derrick Ward* was talking about his favorite cereal and I tweeted him to let him know I agreed that Cap'n Crunch is the bomb and that people that disagreed were haters. (I have started saying the bomb a lot in the last few weeks. I have no idea why and I'm kind of ashamed.) He started following me which is totally freaking awesome! Most of my 154 followers are spambots.

*I'm super obsessed with the Texans. I've always been a huge fan but this year I'm totally obsessed, especially with reading stories and blogs from the national media. Maybe I need to blog about my football obsession next time. I won a signed Antonio Smith picture on Twitter too. It'll go great next to my David Carr autographed picture [insert winky face emoticon here or maybe I need the vomit face].

Me and the Ninja

Being an Aggie (aka The Longest Post I've Ever Made)

2011-11-23T10:37:00.001-06:00

Last night I watched The Burning Desire, a documentary on the collapse of the Aggie Bonfire on November 18, 1999. (If you got here from somewhere other than my FB or Twitter and aren't familiar with Aggie Bonfire, you can read about it here: http://bonfire.tamu.edu/)

I was a student at A&M in 1999. I woke up that Thursday morning to 17 messages on the answering machine checking on me, my roommate and my sister. I had no idea what was going on so I turned on the TV and then I watched news footage until I had class. And when my professors cancelled class, I went home and watched more news coverage. Twelve Aggies died that day in 1999 and Aggieland became a different place. I think I became a different person after that day too.

I had just turned 21 the week before. I was technically adult but a still a kid really. I had a job and was going to college (that my parents very nicely paid for). There weren't really any responsibilities. I hadn't really dealt with loss. I didn't personally know any of the people injured or killed in the collapse but I was consumed by grief. I couldn't stop reading or watching news about it for days. When they had removed all of the bodies (I really hate typing that but there isn't a nicer way to say what transpired) from the stack of logs, I went and walked around the perimeter of the Polo Fields where the logs were still laying in a heap. The orange construction fence was full of letters, pictures and flowers. I visited the flag pole in front of the Administration Building where another memorial sprung up. An Aggie left his Aggie ring with a note saying he wanted those who had died to wear it. Most of those killed were underclassmen that hadn't earned their own Aggie ring. Other people followed and left their rings where they stayed for a month before the university sent them back to their owners.

That story is just a glimpse of what kind of place Aggieland is. Not only did a current student leave a gold ring outside where anyone could have walked away with it, but others did as well. And they sat there for a month.

When I was a senior in high school I wanted to attend SMU. I wanted to work in the news industry, in tv or newspapers and SMU had a great journalism department. I was accepted and offered scholarships but when it came time to make a choice, I choose A&M. I didn't have any prior connection to A&M. I honestly didn't know that much about it, other than it was a good school and it was close to my parents house if I ever got homesick.

I think back now and I had no idea what I was getting into but it turned out to be the best decision I ever made. I made some bad choices in college. I took the long road to my degree. But every day I'm proud to be a Texas Aggie. Aggies have a saying: "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it. And from the inside looking out, you can't explain it" and it really is true. A lot of people think Aggies are cultish (we are) and stupid (we're not) and there is a reason a million Aggie jokes exist (they are funny).

I never lived on campus. I never worked on Bonfire and I wasn't really actively involved in a lot of the traditions while I was there. I loved my time there and as a Former Student (there are no ex-Aggies) I've become immersed in all things Aggie. I have the great fortune to make trips to College Station on a pretty regular basis. Most of my people I consider good friends now I met through an A&M message board years ago. To this day they are some of the best people I have ever met.

Being an Aggie is more than having a degree from Texas A&M University. The diploma, the ring and education are just a part of it. Being an Aggie is about being a good person, coming together when adversity strikes and making the world a better place. The world is a better place because Texas A&M exists and I'm a better person because I went to Texas A&M.

Bonfire was a tangible symbol of A&M's burning desire to "beat the hell outta t.u." and after it collapsed, the university deemed it unsafe and it no longer takes place on campus. Students took the initiative and began holding Bonfire off campus.

Tomorrow's game will be the last in a 117-year rivalry between the Aggies and the Longhorns. It's likely to come back in the future, but for now A&M is moving to a new conference next year and the heated battles will no longer take place in the arenas and stadiums and on Facebook between fans. I hope in the future it returns and I'm kind of sad tomorrow's game is the last. I'm hoping the Aggies get one last win before moving to the SEC. I hope the current students keep Bonfire alive. And I hope someone reads this whole long blog.

Tomorrow I'll be thankful for many things but mostly, I'll be thankful I'm a Texas Aggie.

My Aggie Ring

I'll just blame it on being lazy

2011-11-01T16:12:00.001-05:00

Hi, neglected, sad blog. How are you? I'm doing well. Not much is happening in the world of lazy. I moved. Have I ever mentioned that I hate moving? Because I do. It sucks. I still feel out of sorts and it's been over a months. Work is pretty busy. I did get a fantastic performance review. I guess working late and on weekends for nine months paid off.

I'll try and come back soon with a great story to tell. for now, I just wanted you to know I didn't forget about you.

Gray hair is an asshole

2011-08-17T13:58:00.001-05:00

I know you were all waiting on me to update you on my gray hair situation. I decided to have it colored. My hair before was pretty light on the ends but it matches the color of my roots pretty closely.

It looks redder in the sun

It didn't cover 100% of the grey because apparently my gray hairs are assholes. She used a softer color (no ammonia so that when it grows out I won't have a big line where it's colored. Which is perfect for the kind of person that goes a year in between haircuts. She suggested maybe adding some highlights so I might do that next time. Right now I'm too cheap to pay that much for covering up asshole hairs.

I apparently can't decide if I want to say "grey" or "gray" so I apologize for saying both and being confusing and possibly British.

Edit: I originally titled this "asshole gray hair" but decided that was gross and misleading.

Lazy blogging: A random list of shit

2011-08-02T14:48:00.000-05:00

I have a draft in my Blogger folder from March titled "Pictures of my cat" but there is nothing in the body so I have no idea what I was planning on posting. Well, obviously it was pictures of my cat but I don't know if the cats were doing something special or I was just bored. Probably the second one.

Speaking of animals, I love dogs but they are a lot of work. I don't think I'll ever be a dog owner. I'm dog/cat/house sitting right now for a friend.

That friend has cable. I'm loving HBO and Showtime on Demand right now. Dexter is an awesome show. I'm almost caught up. I love likable bad guys.
Turns out people who get migraine with aura are more likely to have a stroke. So, no birth control pills for me ... not that I need them right now but whatever.

Earl grey tea is delicious.

I really want an iPad. Maybe I can start a fund and a website: www.buykarenanipad.com. Hmm, maybe I need to find a URL that doesn't have "nip" in it.

My fortune cookie last week said I should write a book. I'm thinking about it; I just need a good idea. If I decide to do it, then I'll probably finish it in 2018. Check back then to read it.

It's not nice to ask for my ID and then call me ma'am!

2011-07-21T12:57:00.001-05:00

(Hmm, look at that. I started this entry on June 21 and never finished. It's only been two months since I updated. Oops. I spent the morning reading a couple of new blogs and decided I should come update my own. Apparently reading blogs is the key to writing them, for me at least. Now let's go on with the chlorophyll.)
_____________________________________________
I seemed to be trapped in some weird age where my skin thinks I'm 15 and my hair thinks I'm 60. There is something unfair about having gray hair and acne at the same time. They shouldn't even be allowed to exist on the same head.

I found my first gray hair when I was 20, so the gray hair doesn't really bother me. I think women who find them early just shrug it off. And apparently women who find their first gray at 30 do not. At least based on my Facebook friends list of people complaining about their first gray hair.

Not the best pic but you get the point.

Sometimes I think about coloring my hair to cover the gray. But then I remember that I go months between haircuts and decide I should just leave it alone. I don't really enjoy getting my haircut. I have to sit still and make small talk for 30 minutes or longer. I did like the guy that cut it last time, which was back in April. Maybe I should make an appointment and have it cut again. It's getting so long that I'm pulling it when I sit down. (Not because it's Crystal Gayle length or anything but because it's behind my back and when I move, it gets stuck between me and the chair.) --Let's see. I got mauled by a cougar, my Crystal Gayle shirt is ruined, and I didn't learn dick about driving. Other than that, it was great. -- What was I talking about?Oh, I have decided that if I start coloring it then I'll have to keep doing it and then I'll be poor and annoyed. So gray hair isn't so bad.

And seriously, what's with the acne? My skin wasn't this bad when I went through puberty or when I was in high school. I don't get it. Maybe it's pollution. Or just a mean trick my body is playing on me.

For some reason people have started calling me ma'am. Which is kind of funny to me and I'm not used to hearing it. I am 32 so I guess I am a ma'am but it's still weird. A couple of weeks ago we went to a bar in The Woodlands and the cop at the door asked for my ID. And then said "thank you, ma'am!" after he checked my birth date. Ouch!

Wait? You're supposed to use a cell phone to talk to people?

2011-05-25T11:12:00.000-05:00

Oops, I kind of got lazy about blogging again. Sorry about that! I'm sure all 13 of you are very sad. Here's a pretty boring blog to bring you out of your lack-of-updating depression.

I am not a big fan of talking on the phone. I prefer texting and email to communicate with people. I have an iPhone so it's easy to keep in touch with everyone. I knew I didn't use a lot of minutes because I have a huge amount of rollover minutes and I pay for the smallest amount of minutes that AT&T offers.

I was looking at my bill for last night and I noticed I used only one minute that wasn't mobile-to-mobile (I only used 12 of those probably talking to my mom or sister).

Pictures make the blog look cool, right?

I used quite a bit of data of course. It takes a lot of data to play Words with Friends all day and to stalk, I mean keep up with, people on Facebook.

My first cell phone plan back in 1998 only had 200 minutes. I guess most people go way over that now but I could easily go back to 200, or even 100. I have a home phone that I never use either. It rings every couple of days but it's never anyone I want to talk to. I only have it because when I set up my DSL, it was required. It'll come in handy if we have another hurricane and the cell towers are jammed for days like after Ike.

I apparently don't talk to that many people anyway. I have had this phone since the end of February and I still haven't put everyone's numbers in it. I added all of my family and maybe 15 other people. I should probably get around to that. I've gotten a couple of texts in the last week where I had to ask the person who they were. Maybe I'll get unlazy enough to do that this week.

Or not.

I doubt anyone missed me but I'm checking in just in case

2011-05-01T20:07:00.001-05:00

My younger sister (who isn't that much younger than me so I try to never say little sister) had a baby last week. He's so precocious I want to kiss him to death. But I've been away from home since last Tuesday and I haven't even done laundry yet so I have clothes to wear to work tomorrow. I also haven't eaten dinner or unpacked my suitcase. I'm contemplating opening a bottle of wine. That would give me a reason to get off the couch. I've been sitting here without moving for at least three hours. If I get up, I suppose I could put some clothes in the washing machine since the Laundry Fairy is apparently just a figment of my imagination. Also, it's hot in here and I'm not sure the air conditioning is working.

I did however get my hair cut for the first time since like July of 2010 last week so I accomplished something in my absence. I'll leave you a picture of me pre-haircut but with a tiny baby. And I'll be back tomorrow to say something funny or witty or just plain stupid.

I can't promise this is going to be a funny post (unless you think fat people are funny)

2011-04-19T16:03:00.012-05:00

You know what happens if you are lazy and eat whatever you want for a couple of years? Yeah, you get fat. Who knew, right? Someone should really tell people that.

The last few months of 2009 were the last time I was regularly in the gym. And I was doing great. I don't know what happened. It only takes a couple days of skipping the gym to get back into full sloth mode -- at least for me. I certainly wasn't thin back then, but I was working toward the goal of weighing less than a newborn elephant.

I was thin as a kid. I played outside and ran around and rode my bike all over the neighborhood. When I got into high school I was on the drill team for four years (insert embarrassing picture here). I wasn't fat but I was bigger than a lot of the girls I danced with. I certainly had a larger waist and "personality" than most of them. , I'm shaped more like an apple and carry weight mostly in my stomach and chest. Of course, when you weigh this much, it's pretty much everywhere.

The last time I weighed less than 200 pounds was probably 2008. I was going to the gym regularly and counting calories. I certainly wasn't skinny but I looked good. It makes me want to cry a little to see this picture now. Look how skinny my arm was! And that shirt wasn't from the plus size section. Ack!

Aggie Football game 2008

But I regressed into laziness and fatness once again. There aren't any excuses for this. Just me being lazy and liking to eat delicious food. This picture is from February. I think I see three chins. I don't have a wider shot to show you because like most people that get out of breath getting dressed in the morning, I avoid photos. You can certainly see the extra 50 pounds in my face though.

Feb 26, 2011 - BBQ Cookoff

Anyway, the point of this post wasn't to wallow in self pity but to talk about how I'm going to change it. Last week I unwrapped a Jillian Michaels DVD that someone gave me in December. Of 2009. Yeah, lazy.

Still in the plastic wrap

So, I'm working out. It's been a week and I've worked out three times. Definitely not as much as I should have, but I'm doing it. I know it'll help with lots of things, not just weight. I am sleeping terribly and grumpy and a little depressed. I think I might get a yoga DVD to do every other day. Jillian knows about getting in shape but she's a little too advanced for me right now. Plus I'd like to be able to touch my toes again.

It's kind of funny now to look back at what I thought was fat when I was in college. I had no idea. Dumb college kids!

Overheard in my office (and by overhead, I mean read in my email)

2011-03-26T22:21:00.001-05:00

Background: I work at a graduate school in the admissions office and I've been working crazy hours for the last six months partly because our process is antiquated and it needs an update. We just started working on our new online application.

Paraphrased convo I had via email at work:
Coworker #1: Hey, could you two edit the newsletter draft this afternoon?
Me: I'm happy to take a look. I have a meeting about the new online app from 1-3 (YAY!) though so any time after that is good.
Coworker #2: Congrats on your meeting. I know you are excited.
Me: uhm, yeah. It's pretty much the most exciting thing going on in my life.

And I wasn't even kidding! How did I become such a freaking grown up? Or a sad, sad individual depending on your point of view.

It's going to be a lot of work for some of my favorite people but it will be awesome when it's over. I seriously might do cartwheels down the hall when this is all finished. I just hope I don't break a hip and that no one video tapes it and puts it on YouTube because it's been about 15 years since I've done a cartwheel and no one needs to see that.

The only other semi-exciting thing going on is that one of my favorite bloggers, The Bloggess, chose my comment as the "comment of the day" yesterday. I debating even bringing this up because it's probably nerdy and lame to be as excited as I am, but then I remembered I am nerdy and lame and said fuck it. You can read my totally insightful, world-changing comment here.

Shocking news: People on the internet are weird

2011-03-11T16:31:00.002-06:00

I love checking my blogger stats. It makes me feel loved if anyone reads it and that actually makes me want to update it more often. Maybe it's because I'm a middle child or maybe everyone feels the same way but I want people to like me. If they don't, that's cool too. But I find myself very funny and entertaining and want other people to feel the same way.

Lots of people get here from comments I make on other blogs (hi!) and from my twitter page because I post a link when I update this blog.

The stats page also shows if people searched on Google or another search engine and the phrases they used to get here. A couple of them make no sense. I am pretty sure I've never blogged about Depeche Mode but someone found this blog by googling it. I did have a dream about David Bowie a while back but I think that's the only music-related post on here.

Someone stumbled upon a post about me accidentally drinking vodka on the treadmill by searching "head hurt vodka." I hope they weren't looking for hangover remedies or explanations of why vodka makes your head hurt.

Sandpaper pedicure is actually a pretty popular search string that leads people here (to a post about how my cat licks my feet). I'm guessing people are looking for tips to get rid of calluses. I do not like feet so there is no way I'm going to google to find out.

I was going to post more about this but I got too lazy to finish.

UPDATE: Another thing people search is "overall jorts" which leads to a post about some awesomely dressed guys at an A&M football game. But if you put that into GIS now, it brings up my profile picture from this blog next to a picture of those guys. HILARIOUS!

Yippee ki yay, motherf***kers! (Or how to enjoy Texas stereotypes)

2011-03-01T22:17:00.001-06:00

I've lived in Texas my entire life, always within 100 miles of Houston. I listen to some country music and have ridden a horse a couple of times a few decades ago but I don't have big hair like the TV show Dallas circa 1983 or own a gun. In fact, I've never even shot a gun, so I'm not exactly what you'd call a country girl. But I absolutely love the BBQ Cookoff weekend that precedes the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo.

If you've stumbled upon this blog from somewhere other than stalking me personally, then you probably know very little about HLSR. It's basically a rodeo competition (bull riding, roping, barrel racing, etc) mixed with a carnival, art show, livestock show, craft fair, concerts and food. Lots and lots of food (turkey leg or deep fried Oreo anyone?). The rodeo is a huge three-week event in Houston and the main goal is to raise money for college scholarships. More than 24,000 people volunteer throughout the year to help facilitate the whole thing. (I was one of those 24,000 the past few years but I just couldn't swing it this year with work being so crazy and me being such a lazy ass. The first show is tonight and I know I'll miss a good time.)

The Friday before the rodeo starts is Go Texan Day and everyone in Houston is encouraged to dress up in their cowboy and cowgirl best. Now, prior to the being on the committee, I didn't own any western wear at all. I bought some boots and wear them with a pair of jeans and a button down. These boots are the most expensive shoes I own, by a long shot. But when you have to be on your feet for hours, you need something that's comfy. I always dress up for Go Texan Day because it's the only day of the year where I can wear jeans to work.

Anyway, the weekend before the rodeo starts is the World Championship Bar-B-Que Contest (referred to as "cookoff" by all the cool people) and it's basically a giant party. It's open to the public but really the only way to go is if you have access to a private party, which are held in giant tents. My awesome friend/Super Woman Reneé is a sponsor for one of the cooking teams and a few years ago she invited all of us internet nerds to go with her. We pay a small fee and it includes all of the food and drinks we can handle in that tent. All of the money raised helps with scholarships so I like to call it "drinking for charity." Reneé lives close to Reliant so several girls and I spend the weekend at her house. It's an insane amount of fun.

The cookoff is what I assume most people think Texas is like. I've never lived outside of Texas but I have come across many people that are from other states and countries in my 32 years and it's kind of funny to hear their ideas of what they expected Texas to be like. Houston is the fourth largest city in the United States, so no, we don't ride horses to work and school. Texas is a huge, diverse state so there are more "country" areas than Houston of course but it's still a very modern place.

Cookoff weekend is stereotypically Texas though. This year, a record-breaking 244,184 people were at the cookoff Thursday-Saturday wearing their cowboy hats, boots, giant belt buckles, turquoise jewelry and jeans. There is tons of yummy bbq to eat and beer and liquor to drink. And there is people watching galore. It is amazing what people will wear and what they will do after a couple of ribs and a few Miller Lites.

On Saturday we walked out to the public stage where they have concerts to see Cory Morrow (who should never, ever rap) and there were several girls wearing late 1980s style denim dresses. No ma'am! And then there were the bumpits .

Bump, bump, bump it up!

There is also ample opportunity to drink too much and act silly. Luckily for me I wasn't on designated driver duty. This picture is from Saturday night. The tent we were in ran out of beer. So, I'm drinking bourbon and vodka (not mixed together but with water in each. Our friend Kristen drove down from Ft. Worth this year to go with us and she at one point decided she didn't want to hold two cups, so she poured the bourbon and water into the vodka and water. She said on Sunday that was a bad idea. No shit?) I added a retro theme to this picture to cover up the fact that I'm swearing profusely. The last few years it has been freezing-ass cold during cookoff weekend. This year the weather was awesome but it was humid like only Houston can do humid.

Bottoms up, bottoms up!

If you ever have the opportunity to go to the cookoff, DO IT! And make sure to wear comfy shoes, take a camera (I took like 3 pictures with my iphone. I'm not a good cameraman. The other girls took some pictures but haven't sent them/posted them on Facebook yet) and be prepared to wash your hair 30 times to get rid of the BBQ smoke smell. After washing my hair three times, it still smells like a mixture of smoke and coconut shampoo.

My cat is an asshole

2011-02-21T22:21:00.000-06:00

I'm the kind of person that talks a lot. I think that's why I love social media so much. I have opinions on everything, including what you had for lunch and what yo

Anyway, I live alone and sometimes I talk to my cats, especially Pan, because he does annoying stuff. I hope my neighbors don't think I have a kid or they are going to call CPS. Things I've said to Pan in the last few days:

"I will punch you in the face if you don't sit down or go away."
"Why are you such an asshole?"
"Stop smelling her butt"
"Shut up or I'll open the front door and kick you out"

Pan can be rather obnoxious. He drinks out of the toilet, messing with the blinds in the window, meows all the time, headbutts me when I'm not paying him enough attention and rips open the bread bag if I leave it out. But he's loving and cuddly and I wouldn't really punch him in the face.

As I was typing this, he crawled into my lap and is now purring.

My other cat, Katana, thinks he's an asshole too. He'll walk by and she'll just slap him in the back of the head. This picture pretty much shows how she feels:

Say Uncle

Not even a prehistoric fish eating a detached penis could save this piece of shit

2011-02-10T19:20:00.001-06:00

Normally I type a bunch of crap no one cares about and then I give the blog posting a title. But last night I was making a list of things I might want to talk about on my iPod and I remembered we watched the worst movie EVER a couple weekends ago: Piranha 3D (which wasn't in 3D at the house but that would have probably made it even worse). So today, I started with the title and let me tell you, nothing could save this piece of shit.

My mom has always loved horror movies and my sisters and I were allowed to watch all kinds horror movies as kids. From black and white giant ants to Johnny Deep's blood, guts and TV shooting out of a bed in Nightmare on Elm Street (awesome clip here) my childhood is full of horror movie memories. One of the ones we watched any time it was on TV was 1978's Piranha. Flesh eating fish that kill people and ruin summer vacations? Sign me up!

I did a search to find out when Piranha was released and came across a trailer on youtube. Considering I was born in 1978, I didn't see the trailer or the movie when it was released and it certainly didn't get better with age but it's at the same time it's totally awesome. This line pretty much sums up the whole movie "they were unleashed into America’s waterways to turn quiet streams into rivers of living death." Uhm, fuck yeah!

Since no one has any original movie ideas any more, Piranha was remade and stars Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Ving Rhames, the non-vampire guy from Vampire Diaries whose name I don't know but is Steve McQueen's grandson and a bunch of other familiar faces. Even Richard Dreyfuss and Christopher Lloyd have small parts.

We watch a lot of movies when I spend time with my sisters and we for sure wanted to see this one if only to relive a piece of our childhood. And it wasn't available for rent yet on the Apple TV my sister and brother in law are now the proud owners of it. Oops.

It was for sure the worst movie ever. I can totally handle gratuitous nudity and violence but that's all this movie had. The plot was stupid, the places where they put "cool" stuff to make it look good in 3D were dumb, and fish weren't even cool. The fish were living in a cave underwater and are thought to be extinct until an earthquake opens up the cave and they all escape into the lake. Everyone was naked. The fish attacked a big breasted girl and her implants just floated away. Apparently man-eating fish are not a fan of fake tits.

I think my sister's comment "This is like Jaws, but not good" pretty much sums it up.

(I guess I should put spoiler alert for anyone that stumbles across this blood looking for a review so SPOILER ALERT. Although the blog title will give this part away.)

Jerry O'Connell basically plays Joe Francis and gets partially eaten while on a boat filming two naked chicks swimming. He is barely alive with no legs or arms they pull him out of the water for a bit. I forget exactly what happens but he gets back into the water and his penis is severed and floating. In the media room at my sister's house this penis was about two feet long. I imagine at the theater is was people-sized and floating toward you in 3D. And then a giant prehistoric piranha jumps up and eats the penis.Yes, I just said "eats the penis."

It wasn't funny bad, it was just bad. It was worse than any Jennifer Lopez movie I've ever seen. And I hate Jennifer Lopez movies.* (Asterisk added because I do love Selena but it's the only good J-Lo movie I've ever seen.)

On the other hand we watched Secretariat and Easy A which were both very good movies. I thought Easy A looked kind of dumb but it was funny and entertaining .And of course Secretariat made me cry because Disney is full of sadists. About three minutes into the movie I was like "uhm, are we supposed to be crying already?" but it was an excellent film.

Hi, my name is Karen, and I'm addicted to Facebook

2011-02-07T22:46:00.000-06:00

I decided to take a week off from "social networking" after a friend of mine posted on Facebook on New Year's Eve that she was going to take a month off of Facebook and she'd see us in a month. She made it 26 days before signing back on. I don't know if she felt like she failed but I found it pretty impressive she made it that long.

I spend way too much time on the internet, reading Facebook, posting on message boards, tweeting and even playing several games on Facebook.

I obviously didn't count this blog as part of my social network since I'm here. I did count all message boards, Facebook and Twitter. Email, Googling and blogs are all allowed. I posted a message on my FB wall on Saturday letting everyone know I'd be gone. I'm sure some of my "friends" think it was kind of an attention whore thing to do but I'm online a lot. And after being a way a couple of days of not posting, people start asking me what's going on. Which pretty much proves my point that I spend too much time on there!

I signed off around 7 p.m. Saturday night and I've easily found other things to do. (Maybe this experiment will finally get me blogging regularly?) I spent more time working, more time hanging out with my family and more time reading. I also did some online shopping at Target.com today. I'm not sure if that's a plus or a minus yet.

It's kind of sad how much time I spend on those things. And how connected I am. I went ahead and turned off all notifications from Facebook and deleted the app from my phone. Maybe that will also help my phone from committing suicide. It's got a date with an executioner scheduled on February 25 and I can't let it go until then.

As of day two, I consider it a success. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have something more interesting to talk about.

I might be the most boring person on Earth

2011-01-26T17:11:00.000-06:00

I sometimes have really good ideas for blog posts but they usually occur while I'm driving or about to fall asleep so then when I do sit down and think "I should blog" I have nothing to share. This is another one of those times.

I spent the day in bed with a migraine. I haven't had one this bad in a long time. It still hurts but a lot less and I had to get out of the bed or there was no way I'd be able to sleep tonight. I haven't been to the doctor in months so I have no Imitrex to take. I self medicated with Alleve at 8 this morning. And then took some more and drank some coffee around 3:30. I should probably eat something as well but the sleeping cat in my lap doesn't look like he wants to be disturbed.

Holy crap daytime TV sucks. I am actually looking forward to the local news at 5.

Speaking of news, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was moved to Houston last week and there have been 10 news trucks lined up on the street where my parking garage is at work. I've been keeping an eye out for Bill Weir so I can stalk him, but no suck luck. I haven't seen anyone famous but I'll keep looking.

Yeah, I guess that about sums up everything that is going on. I really am boring. I'm still working crazy hours but I think the end is in sight. The deadline for applicants to apply is February 1. I'll probably work some this weekend since I was out today but then it should be almost back to normal.

When I'm not at work, I'm pretty much reading my Kindle that I got for my birthday. It's nonstop fun around here :)

I need a witty title to go here but, eh, fuck it, I'm too lazy

2011-01-04T17:04:00.000-06:00

I've actually spent the last three plus months working more than 40 hours a week so maybe it's not so much laziness as being preoccupied. Work was overwhelming. I don't know how people can be workaholics. I did what had to be done but I wanted it to END! It's almost back normal, I think. Anyway, I certainly had time to type up a funny story or an eloquent musing. Of course, I'm not sure I have ever had/typed an eloquent musing but that's not really the point.

It's 2011 and it's been more than two months since I've graced all three of you Lazy Blog readers with my insightful thoughts on life and laziness. I'm hoping this year bring some good things for me. For the past five years or so, I haven't had anything to say when people ask what is new with me. Nothing is new. I have the same job, the same car, the same single status, the same two cats. The only thing that's been new is the pounds I put on but that's not a very exciting update, especially since they can see that with their own eyes. I guess I need to counteract that by losing a couple pounds or 100. I'm not sure why I've gotten so complacent about my weight but I know I need to do something about it. However, I don't really feel like talking about it right now so on to other things.

Ack! I just realized I need to update my Blogger profile. I am no longer 31. (This post is very stream of consciousness, maybe more so than my normal postings.)

I don't make new years resolutions because I suck at sticking with things but I do have a few ideas of things I want to change. I want to spend more time with the people that are important to me. I haven't seen some of my good friends in months and they are less than 50 miles from me. That is ridiculous.

I also want to stop spending so much money on food, especially buying lunch during the week. That will help save money and cut back on calories. I have made it two days and stuck with it. Only 363 more to go! I actually set a goal of bringing my lunch four days a week. I think that is a reasonable goal and still allows some flexibility when that Chick-fil-A craving hits.

And like always, I want to spend more time writing on this blog or maybe writing some short stories or fictional stuff. I read 73 books last year so I obviously have some free time. I think of some very funny and interesting things to share when I'm laying awake at night unable to fall asleep. I need to put those to good use. (I often have trouble with lay/lie but I'm too lazy to look it up right. I very rarely edit my blog posts. I just type and hit submit which considering other people's grammar mistakes bother me, is kind of dumb but whatever.)

I really think 2011 is going to be a good year. If not, I'll probably read 80 books this time around.

I had a wonderful, relaxing, LAZY weekend

2010-10-25T15:00:00.001-05:00

First of all, I changed the background of my blog when I posted last time. And it's been so long ago that I forget I'd done it. Awesome.

I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be rich. So I can wake up this view every morning.

I normally like to think of myself as a city girl but that could change my mind. I spent the weekend in Onalaska (population 1,174 ) with some girlfriends. One of the girls parent's own a lake house on Lake Livingston. It was so pretty and peaceful. We drank and talked and danced and watched a little sports. Mostly we just sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings and weather.

I took my Nikon camera but never got it out of the suitcase. So, these pics are all from my blackberry.

They had these awesome hammock-like swings on the boat dock. They didn't know I was aking the picture but you can only see outlines anyway.

And just in case you don't believe I was there, here's a self portrait from Saturday afternoon. It was crazy windy.

It's not often you get to use the phrase "overall jorts"

2010-09-24T14:38:00.003-05:00

Not much going on in the world of lazy.

I'm working a lot more since my coworker retired on August 31. The position finally got posted this week so hopefully soon I'll have some help. Right now the workload is manageable but very quickly it's going to get out of control. After her retirement, I'm the person in my department with the most seniority. That's weird. Of course, the fact that I'm an adult is still weird to me!

I quit my second job (again). I do love working with Kasey and of course the money, but between the extra hours at work and all the fun stuff I want to do on the weekend, I decided it was time to quit.

Football season is upon us and so far my teams are 3-0 (Aggies) and 2-0 (Texans). It's kind of a nice change to have winning records even if it's so early in the season and both of last week's games almost gave me a heart attack.

My friend Eilene and I went to College Station for the Aggie game. We did some tailgating. Oh my god, that reminds me ...

Two guys, two pairs overall jorts, one rolling cooler

I love these two guys. They were both sporting cutoff overall jorts that had been painted with various Aggie-themed sayings like "gig 'em" and "redass" and they wore them with pride. They were shirtless, boot-wearing, overall jort loving guys. They waved as they walked by with their cooler.

Sunday I watched football all day. The Texans beat the Redskins in a crazy come from behind overtime game. I was yelling at my TV a lot that day.

but it certainly helps

One more dead flower post

2010-09-06T20:23:00.001-05:00

After weeks of obsessing over the corpse flower, it was time for it to be repotted and returned into the museum greenhouse. The museum had a lottery and chose 25 people to come to an event where they'd do the repotting. I got lucky and was selected.

When Erin at the museum sent the email informing me I'd been picked, she included instructions and a line about how they'd be filming a documentary.

If I'd written this three weeks ago when the repotting took place, it would be full of details and maybe some pictures. Right now I'm lazy and time made it seem less important. Plus, no one reads this blog anyway :)

But what is important is that Erin asked if I'd mind being interviewed for the documentary. Of course I said yes, even though I was sure I'd say something extremely stupid or do the dolphin laugh. I'm sure I did both.

When I told the girls I'd done the interview, Kristen said "you're going to be nerd famous" and I still laugh at it.

Zac, Lois' horticulturist buddy, is having a lecture on Wednesday and they'll be selling the documentary then. I'll be at the Outback with my family but I guess I should get my hands on a copy.

The Nerdiest Thing I've Ever Done

2010-08-11T18:06:00.003-05:00

I knew I choose the right title for this blog. It's been like three weeks since I told you about the corpse flower. Here's the rest of the story:

I've already admitted that I met most of my friends on the internet a few years ago, so this has to be pretty nerdy huh?

I followed the Lois saga on Twitter and on Houston Museum of Natural Science website. They had a webcam on Lois 24 hours a day. In the pane next to the webcam they showed the tweets about her. Tweets containing #corpseflower were automatically filtered onto the page. There were tons of people talking about Lois but several hundred people were around day after day (and night after night). The little picture icons next to people's names helped people become familiar faces.

While I was waiting in line to see Lois with my friend Kasey, I checked Twitter on my Blackberry and saw this:

I followed the link to Facebook and learned they were going to have a get together for 200 Tweeters to meet each other and the people at the museum who we'd been following online. They also would reveal who had been posting hilarious tweets as Lois (http://twitter.com/CorpzFlowrLois). I immediately sent in an email requesting an invite. I heard back from Erin at HMNS that I was on the list.

The Tweetup (that word still makes me giggle) started at midnight at the museum on Saturday. I haven't gone out at midnight since I was in college (and bars closed at one when I was at A&M so we usually were out way before that). I stayed up really late on Friday so I could sleep in and be ready for a midnight outing on Saturday.

I got to the museum about 11:15 since I had no idea what kind of line or check-in process they were going to have. I lucked out at got a parking spot right in front of the museum. And then I got heckled.

IN FRONT OF A MUSEUM!

Some guys rolled down their window to inform me that it was "just a fucking flower!" It cracks me up now, but at the time, I was very "WTF just happened?"

The event was held outside the museum next to the Butterfly Center. It was a very neat setup. They gave each of us a ticket to see Lois again and a drink ticket. SCORE! Outside they had some tables out and a bar set up. And that's when I realized I had left my wallet on the kitchen counter. Boo. Luckily the bartender knows how to fill up a glass of wine:

They had three projectors set up showing stuff on the wall of the musem. One was showing all the #corpseflower tweets. People who were not in Houston or who were unable to go asked all of us attending to keep them updated. No pressure to be entertaining or anything to them or the people attending! I did use it as a way to find someone I'd been tweeting with for weeks though. @stephsparkle was standing right behind me! Turns out she's an Aggie too!

The middle one showed some selected Lois tweets from the previous few days. And I totally geeked out when I saw one of mine. I didn't have my camera or phone out, so I had to wait for it to roll around again. Then I got a picture with my phone. )It's fuzzy because it's projected on the outside of the building and it's not a completely white, clean building.)

Here's a screen capture of it:

One of Stephanie's came up too so we had to wait for hers to come around again.

The third projector was showing info about Culture Map, a website I had started following on Twitter about the time I learned about Lois. It is a great source of info on all things Houston. And it turns out that @CorpzFlowrLois was a staffer at Culture Map so it all came together nicely.

Sprinkles was there with cupcakes. I am not much of a cake eater so I skipped those.

I got to meet Erin from HMNS that does all of their social media stuff. I'm sure she has a spiffy title, but I don't know what it is. However, what an awesome job! I would love to be on Twitter and Facebook and get paid for it. (Let's not mention that I'm at my desk typing this and I'm on and off FB/Twitter all day at work). I am sure she was extremely exhausted but she was super nice and talked with us for a while about the museum and how they would be having more tweetups and their Flickr group (which I joined since she said they have special events for people in the group to photograph things after hours).

And I met Mary Benton (she's on Channel 2 news in Houston). She had been reporting about Lois but was also a big fan and tweeted along with us.

Everyone involved in the whole Lois phenomenon was so nice and helpful. If someone tweeted a question, 10 people answered. It was a really neat thing to be a part of ...even if it was extremely nerdy to go meet a bunch of people that I'd met tweeting about a flower.

This is a really long blog post about a flower that smells like death

2010-07-26T14:07:00.001-05:00

You know how you get swept up in something and you don't even know how it started? That's pretty much what happened with me and Lois, the corpse flower. I know a couple of weeks ago I saw or read a story about the Houston Museum of Natural Science having a corpse flower that was beginning to bloom. And the next thing I know, it's been two weeks and I've spent a couple hundred hours in front of my computer watching a webcam of a flower.

To be fair, it wasn't as much as the flower blooming in super-slow-mo that kept me watching. It was the tweets being broadcast to the side of the webcam. It combined people watching with tweeting. How awesome is that? And took me from about 100 tweets on July 1 to the 628 I have now. I'd say at least 450 of those were about the corpse flower.

Originally, the museum estimated it would take a couple days to bloom. They started staying open 24 hours a day so everyone that wanted to could see her. I absolutely love the museum and think it's awesome they were willing to work so hard to accommodate everyone in Houston (and the people that came from even further!). When the webcam went live, the name of the page was "Our Corpse Flower "Lois" is Blooming!" and it kept saying that and no bloom! So I jokingly tweeted that the museum should rename the page to "Our Corpse Flower 'Lois' Might Bloom in the Next Decade." And then did! At least for a few minutes until I could get a screen shot. Hilarious!

I also took the time out of my oh-so-busy schedule (I couldn't even type that with a straight face) to draw a picture. I have made similar pictures for some friends regarding events and stories going on with us, but that's another story.

The museum retweeted the picture and I'm not going to lie, it pretty much made my day!

I wanted to see the flower but not until it had released it's pungent corpse-like smell. (That's a phrase I don't think I'll ever use again.) Lucily for me and a couple thousand others, the museum put up a Stink-O-Meter so we could track her smell. Lois peaked in nastiness on Friday morning so we headed to HMNS on Friday evening to wait in line to smell a funky flower. It took a little more than an hour to get from the end of the line to the exhibit.

Sidebar: There are WAY too many roaches in the Cockrell Butterfly Center. Ick!

But back to Lois. Here are a couple of pictures I snapped.

When you walked into the room where Lois was temporarily living, you could barely smell anything. Once you got to her "good" side though, you got a big whiff of funkiness. It wasn't a very strong smell since she was already on the decline, but it definitely smelled bad!

And of course I had to draw an updated picture of Lois once she bloomed (complete with Stink-O-Meter).

I have some more thoughts and experiences to share but I'll save that for another blog post likely to be titled "The Nerdiest Thing I've Ever Done."

Speaking of Dexter ...

2010-07-18T21:06:00.000-05:00

So last week I was illegally watching them on the internet. I decided to go ahead and pay for the last 6 episodes since it's the right thing to do and I could watch them as fast as I wanted. But of course, after I waited 30 minutes for them to all download, each one was skipping! Dammit, computer, I paid $1.99 per episode for that.

I think it's just another sign I need to buy a new laptop. I spent 15 minutes reading Apple's website and random Mac forums trying to figure out what was wrong but after disabling a bunch of stuff, it was still being stupid.

Today my laptop went all nuts while I was trying to play Family Feud on Facebook. It's almost four years old so I am not all that surprised but I'm still annoyed. I want a new laptop. I want one that's lighter and I don't have to position the AC adapter cord in a certain way to use it. But I don't really want to spend the money on it.

Back to Dexter, I won't spoil anything if you haven't watched it, but what.the.fuck was up with that ending? Ugh! Hurry up September.

Random ramblings

2010-07-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to illegally watch Dexter Season 4 on the internet and I found it on some website that limits how much you can watch per day. So, I'm currently waiting 41 minutes to finish episode 4. Purchasing the rest of the episodes on iTunes is starting to sound like a good plan.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and I'm totally jealous how awesome they are. But you know what, the bloggers actually update their shit. I know, crazy, huh? So, here I am. With nothing to offer.

Not much else going on in the world of lazy. Except I might have to burn my upstairs neighbors apartment down (yes, I know what will happen if I do. It's a figure of speech. Maybe). A woman that weighs about 110 pounds and a little girl that can't be more than 2 live above me. And they are some noisy motherfuckers. I don't even know how they can be so loud. Before I saw who moved in above me, I as convinced a really fat guy moved in. Nope! They stomp until after midnight. I'm usually awake but it's still really annoying. Don't little kids need sleep?

Well, that was odd

2010-05-03T15:51:00.001-05:00

"It's a crystal. Nothing more. But if you turn it this way and look into it, it will show you your dreams."

Check out that hairdo!

That's a quote from the 1986 move Labyrinth with David Bowie, in case you haven't seen it 45 times like "some" people. It goes perfectly here since this posting is about a dream featuring David Bowie.

Let me preface this by saying that I very rarely remember my dreams. Usually I wake up and they are instantly gone. I had a hard time sleeping last night so I was kind of in-and-out this morning. I kept repeating it to myself so I'd remember this one. It was so odd, I needed to share it.

In this dream, I was walking down a street with a friend. I can't remember who it was though. Unnamed Friend and I were wearing jeans and tank tops but the dressy sort of jeans and tank tops, not the running-to-Target at 9:50 p.m kind.

Anyway, we're walking and we notice David Bowie is walking in front of us. So we go say hello. He was nice and chatty and then all of a sudden he looks at me and says "you're too fat to wear tank tops."

Uh, WTF?

First of all, I am not under any delusions regarding my choice in tops. Between the vampire-like paleness, the flabby fatness and the thick padded bra straps, I am well aware that tank tops are on the "no ma'am" list.

Secondly, why in the hell is David Bowie appearing in my dreams just to tell me that? Very, very strange.

Welcome to the new blog

2010-04-27T13:40:00.001-05:00

I've spent more time on blogging in the last hour than I have since January. Maybe the new page name will inspire me to stop being so lazy.

Or maybe not.

Well, hello, my old blog

2010-04-27T13:17:00.001-05:00

I have been spending my time reading books and watching Criminal Minds reruns. Oh, the life of a single gal...

I think I'm going to change my blog name. Of course, that will depend on me actually blogging! I've neglected it so long, I couldn't remember the exact URL. So sad!

Ahhh, it's a new year

2010-01-04T13:14:00.002-06:00

And so far, the same old me.

I've spent the last three weeks with my family. My older sister, her husband and their three kids are here on vacation from Japan. Sadly they must fly back on Wednesday.

We've had a great time though and I've pretty much neglected any routine I had prior to their visit. I'm even going days without checking my email. Which is WEIRD for me. Normally the phone or computer is always in my hand.

I went back to work today but as you can see, I'm not really that motivated to do much work. I'm hoping before tomorrow the motivation fairy shows up.

Here are some pictures from the last three weeks since words are hard right now and pictures are easy.

New Year's Eve in the limo

Check out my sweet hat

At Baker St in The Woodlands

The Pioneer Woman Travels to Houston

2009-12-06T20:16:00.001-06:00

We all know I love the internet. And my computer. I mean, that's where all my friends live. ;) One of the neat and slightly odd things about the internet is that you can know all kinds of things about a person you've never met. Like how she met her husband or what her kitchen looks like or how she feels about mushrooms. Things that 20 years ago you wouldn't know about someone without having met them or having a gossipy grandmother that had.

The Pioneer Woman is one of those people I know all kinds of things about and had never met. She writes/blogs about her "decade-long transition from spoiled city girl to domestic country wife." I find her fascinating and funny and feisty many other words that start with F and end with Y. Especially friendly. Pioneer Woman aka Ree Drummond took her witty writing and recipes from the web to paper. She wrote a fabulous (I swear, I didn't do this on purpose but I cannot stop using F adjectives) cookbook. You can buy it at any bookstore. The cookbook came out a few months ago and she's currently on a book signing tour.

She stopped in Houston this past Saturday and I headed out to meet her with some of my other internet-turned-real-life friends. My friends Reneé, Natalie and Kristen introduced me to the Pioneer Woman's blog a while back. Reneé, Natalie and I (along with N's sister and adorable daughter) met up at Georgia's Market to meet Ree.

Reneé and I went to Blue Willow Bookshop on Tuesday to pick up a pass to stand in line and meet Ree. I purchased by book from Blue Willow and they offered me a pass to the yellow group for buying my book through them. I declined and took an orange pass so I could hang out with Reneé and her friend Nicole. The ladies at Blue Willow were so freaking nice. I wish their shop was a little closer to where I live. The store is so neat and it turned out to be way too small to host this event so it was moved to Georgia's Market which was just a short drive away.

They had a dutch oven (it looked like a le creuset -- WANT) out and some papers so you could ask Ree a question. They selected several questions to ask and then she let people in the audience raise their hands. Reneé worked that to her advantage and asked two questions. One about the worst thing PW had ever cooked and then one about another book about Ree and her husband's courtship. You know, I don't think I've ever used that word before. Courtship. Weird.

Reneé and I totally lucked out in getting a seat. Natalie did us a huge favor and saved us seats. Now, the seats were tiny. I sat down and wanted to take my coat off and I felt like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. Fat guy in a little coat ... Natalie was reminded of Friends. "Could these chairs BE any smaller?" But everyone around us was super nice and chatty.

Here's Ree answering questions in front of a bunch of organic rice milk.

After the Q&A session, they started calling colors for signing passes and we waited for our turn to have our book signed. We were in the fifth color group. Not only did she sign every book (and some people had more than one), she chatted with every person and posed for a picture. The girl in front of me had several books. I would have felt bad for bringing more than one but Ree just smiled and signed and chatted away. That probably says more about Ree being a nice person than me being a nice person though. If I was the one signing books, I'd be thinking "seriously? You want me to sign all of these?"

Reneé, Nicole and I were the first three in line for the orange group. Ree told Reneé she liked her outfit that everyone was so dressed up and asked if that was normal for Houston. Reneé is usually dressed well but we had attended a Christmas party before the signing so she was all Christmas-y in her green sweater and heels.

I went next. Here's me and Ree (we're on a first name basis now)
OK, a couple of things. She said she liked my laugh and it was infections. And then in true Karen-talks-too-much fashion, I told her that my nickname in college was Flipper because people think it sounds like a dolphin. And she said she'd never have thought of that and I said something like "well, that's not the worst thing I've been called."

I meant in relation to my laugh (which someone I didn't know once said it sound like a turkey). But that's not how it came out at all.

And secondly, I have got to start taking flash pictures in shirts before I leave my house. Hello, beige grandma bra. I see you.

Here's my signed book:
See! First name basis!

I also got a t-shirt. It's an adorable brown tee with flowers and whatnot. The woman handing them out was nice enough to ask if I wanted a medium or large. They are cute little baby-doll type tees. Yeah, I will totally take a medium. (In fact, the large is about 3 sizes too small but it's so cute and I am working on slimming down so hopefully I'll be able to wear it in the next 3-5 years.)

When I was trying to take a pic of my book, Pan had to get in on the action:
I'd like to say he was waving but actually he was trying to attack the wrist strap on my point and shoot camera.

The whole experience was great. I got to hang out with some girlfriends that I don't see enough. The bookstore/venue had everything organized so well and we really didn't have to wait that long. Ree was wonderful, of course. And I ran into some ladies, er people, I hadn't seen in years. -- I'm just not ready to call people my age "ladies". Maybe when I'm 40 that will sound less weird.

My cats make me laugh

2009-12-04T14:06:00.001-06:00

Nothing says crazy cat lady like posting pictures and videos of them on Facebook, Blogger and a message board.

Pan is super entertaining. He freaks out if a baby cries on TV. He has been "fighting" with this cat that keeps showing up on my porch. I have yet to get a video though because that cat only shows up at 8 a.m. And if I'm home at 8 a.m., I'm in bed.

Here's Pan. He's unamused by me.

And her's a bad quality video of him trying to sleep. He did this for about 10 minutes. I filmed it with my phone because I was afraid to move and he'd stop.

Katanna is also unamused by me.

She loves my suitcase though (bad quality pic but still cute)

Someone with more motivation than me needs to invent a motivation pill

2009-12-03T14:33:00.001-06:00

I have zero motivation. I don't want to do any work. I'm here. I've got all of the programs open that I need. I have coffee and diet coke available.

But I just can't get motivated. I don't know what's wrong. I know that no one else is going to do the work. And the more I put it off, the more stressed it'll make me to do it. But I've got Target.com open, blogger open and I've played Bejeweled Blitz for about 30 minutes today.

I even tried to give myself a stern talking to but I got about 3 words in and decided I didn't have the motivation for that either.

I'm going to have to work over the weekend if I don't get busy. There is a scene in Boogie Nights where Philip Seymour Hoffman keeps hitting himself in the head and saying "stupid, stupid, stupid".

That's me right now.

Two weeks!

2009-11-30T22:21:00.000-06:00

I haven't seen my nieces since November of 2007. My sister and nephew were here earlier this year for a couple of months when my other sister had her first baby. My brother in law was here last year to do some stuff with their house. But the girls haven't been home since they moved to Japan (this time).

I have about 30,000 things to do at work before they arrive. They are flying in on the day the international applications are due so I probably won't see much of them the first few nights.

But they will be here for three weeks so I will get to spend plenty of time with them. I'm so excited! I hope they are too ;)

Hmm, maybe that's why my head hurts

2009-11-17T18:00:00.000-06:00

I have a list in my head of things I want to write about. Yet, here it is, two (er, three) weeks after my last post. Maybe tonight I'll write all those things down and carry it with me. That might inspire me to actually type out some stuff.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was on the treadmill and for some reason the water in my bottle tasted funny. I always fill up my water with ice and filtered water because the water that comes out of water fountains tastes funny and you never know what people are doing to drinking fountains when you aren't around. I just assume it's something I don't want to know about.

As I'm walking and taking sips, I realize that the water tastes a little like cranberry. Which would be OK if I bought those PUR flavor filters.

Since I do not, I had a good idea of what the problem was. A couple of weeks before this, I had purchased some cranberry vodka. After having a vodka/soda, I put the lid on and stuck it in the freezer.

Apparently (this is where I make a big hand gesture when telling the story in person), I did not screw the cap on all the way and when I rearranged the stuff in the freezer so I could put 10 Lean Cuisine Cheese French Bread Pizzas in there, the bottle fell over. (As an aside, I love those and they are very hard to find. I don't want pepperoni and I don't want supreme! I want cheese! So I stocked up when I saw them at Target. And they were on sale!)

The bottle fell over and cranberry vodka dripped into ice cube tub. The bottle had been at least 3/4 full -- I'm not entirely sure I had only made one drink ;) It was now down to about 1/4 full. There was a nice vodka/ice sludge in the bottom of the ice cubes. I could pretend I dumped it all down the sink but anyone that knows me very well knows that's not what happened. I dumped it into a bowl and stuck it back in the freezer for the next time I wanted a vodka and soda. (A good blogger would have taken her camera out and captured a picture of the sludge but I did not)

Coincidentally, the next day I woke up with a migraine at like 5 a.m. I occasionally get them from working out and I occasionally get them from drinking. If I had to guess, I'd say drinking while working out is definitely NOT a good way to avoid migraines.

Chicago with the girls

2009-10-23T14:56:00.000-05:00

When I moved back to the Houston area after college, I didn't have a whole lot of friends in the area. I was posting on a message board for Aggies and eventually met quite a few people at happy hours set up through the message board. I've become good friends with several girls I've met through the message board. I call them girls but we're all grown women with jobs and whatnot.

It's been 6 or 7 years since I met most of them and now several of them are married (or divorced and re-married). They have beautiful kids and beginning to scatter all over the country.

Most of us spend a lot less time on that original Aggie message board. We talk about things that don't necessarily need to be so public (I mean, do 5,000 people need to know that my pap smear was abnormal AGAIN?) So, we have a little private board we chat on.

One of the girls is pregnant with her second child and wanted to do a girls weekend before she was 1. too pregnant to fly 2. the mother of two beautiful babies.

We planned it pretty quickly and the dates were hard to coordinate. It ended up being only three of us but we had a blast. We had pizza at Gino's, went to Willis Tower (aka Sears Tower), saw a pirate exhibit at the Field Museum and watched the Aggies get embarrassed on national TV at the ESPN Zone.

In August I was worried about getting myself on a plane to Atlanta and by October, I had been to Atlanta and Nashville and was going on a trip to Chicago. I even navigated the train and bus to the hotel from O'Hare National Airport. What a difference three months makes.

Here are a couple of pictures from the trip:

Every time I see this one of me and the giant globe at The Field Museum, I sing "she's got the whole world in her hands." Thanks Jami!

Standing out on The Ledge at Willis Tower

Looking down

View from the skydeck

It was a great trip even though it was short. We decided to do the same thing next year. Boston is the destination!

Oh Look!

2009-10-09T14:03:00.001-05:00

I'm the worst blogger ever!

I have been keeping busy though so as soon as I feel like typing, I actually have some stories to share.

Maybe this weekend. It's finally going to feel like fall this weekend. Sounds like a good reason to make some Butter-Nut instant hot chocolate and type up some stories for all of my adoring fans (stop laughing!)

Sometimes I wonder if I have some brain damage

2009-09-08T11:30:00.000-05:00

I hate buying gas. I hate having to stop. I hate having to pay for it. I hate everything about it. So it's pretty amazing I haven't run out of gas since getting a car with a working gas gauge. My first car, a 1989 two-door Buick Regal, didn't have a working gas gauge so it was a guessing game. At first I could guess based on the mileage driven but after a few years the odometer stopped working. Luckily I was living in College Station and didn't do much driving.

In my Honda, the gas light comes on when the tank is 1/8 full. So, it gives me a pretty early indicator that I need to go get gas. But instead of going when it comes on, I drive with it on until I decide I should probably get gas or end up on the side of the road in 100 degree heat.

It's kind of stupid really. I know I have to get gas. But I think to myself "oh, I'll get it in the morning" and then in the morning I'm running later than I should be, I sometimes consider chancing it. It's ridiculous! It's inevitable that I'm going to run out of gas at some point. You'd think I'd be smarter than that, but I'm really not.

Some people don't know what express means

2009-09-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

I am a neglectful blogger. I have had a post to share in my head for about 4 days and it's just not being written. Oops!

I went to the grocery store last week to pick up two things: cat food and toilet paper. I try to avoid doing much shopping at the Kroger near me because it's always busy and I hate waiting in line for an hour. Plus it's not the most inexpensive store.

It's on the way home so I ran in to get my two items and decided that the express lane with two customers in it was a better choice than the Self checkout line with 10 people in it(4 registers). In general, people are too stupid to check themselves out.

So, the lady at the front of the line has more than 10 items. I personally think that should be a felony but grocery store managers and owners do not want to piss customers off so they never tell these inconsiderate assholes that they need to get in another line. Oh, and by the way, if you have 30 jars of baby food or 100 cans of dog food, they don't count as one item.

I've already committed to this lane and getting into another one always turns out to be a very bad decision, so I just wait. I read the covers of all the magazines and learn more than I wanted to know about Jon Gosselin (From Jon & Kate Plus 8). At this point, it's been like 4 minutes. Which is an eternity once you notice the Item Limit Felon is ahead of you.

The cashier finally gets all of her stuff rung up and the the lady pulls out a wad of cash. And counts it out. Slowly. And hands it to the cashier. The cashier counts it. And then the lady has a balance. Instead of getting her other form of payment ready, the lady watches the cashier count out the stack of bills and just stands there. She finally looks for a card in her wallet when the cashier tells her the remaining total. She uses a credit card to pay the rest. ARGH!!! So now we have to wait for the receipt to print out so she can sign it.

It's a really good thing I am afraid of confrontation because this lady was about to make me homicidal!

It's now time for a grocery shopping trip and I hope for everyone's sake, that no one makes me angry tonight!

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

2009-08-26T15:49:00.000-05:00

I am addicted to Dexter. If you've never watched the show, it's about a serial killer. Dexter Morgan works for the police department forensics department as a blood splatter expert. And he's also a serial killer. But Dexter doesn't just randomly kill people, he researches them and kills bad people. Specially people that haven't been caught or got off on a technicality.

It's a great show. I normally don't subscribe to the "all the good girls love the bad boys*" theory (hey, stop laughing. I can be a good girl. I mean, I'm definitely not a serial killer!) but for some reason I have a crush on Dexter. He fakes his way through a regular life, has a job, a girlfriend and some semi-friends. I've read the books the show is based on and they are good, but the plot lines have been changed to make it better for TV.

Anyway, I live a in a no-cable world, but even if I didn't, I wouldn't pay extra for Showtime. Especially now in the wonderful world of TV on DVD! Season 3 came out on DVD last Tuesday and I pretty much stayed up too late watching Dexter every night. The next season is starting soon, but it'll be month before it is released on DVD. It's very tempting to go online and watch them. But it's also probably a bad idea to watch one episode and have to wait a week to start the next one ... in contrast to my Dexter DVD marathons. On the other hand, I might actually go to bed before 2 a.m.

----

*On a side note, that quote makes me think of the song Bath Water by No Doubt. I like the song, it's very catchy and I like the melody. But if I sit and think about it, it makes me want to throw up. If you are curious, the lyrics are below:

You and your museum of lovers

The precious collection you've housed in your covers

My simpleness threatened by my own admission

And the bags are much too heavy

In my insecure condition

My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Love to think that you couldn't love another

I can't help it...you're my kind of man

Wanted and adored by attractive women

Bountiful selection at your discretion

I know I'm diving into my own destruction

So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?

I don't fit in so why do you want me?

And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying

'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater

Love to think that you couldn't love another

I'm on your list with all your other women

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater

You make me feel like I couldn't love another

I can't help it...you're my kind of man

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles

Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble

Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions

'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Love to think that you couldn't love another

Share a toothbrush...you're my kind of man

I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Make me feel like I couldn't love another

I can't help it...you're my kind of man

No I can't help myself

I can't help myself

I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Talkie, Talkie

2009-08-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

My mom and I went to watch the Texans play the Saints in an exhibition game. Thank goodness it was exhibition because the Texans defense looked like crap.

But anyway, two guys who looked to be about in their forties sat next to us. And I think during the whole game, they said maybe 10 words to each other. They didn't talk about the weather, their kids or even the game. They've done studies that show women talk three times more a day than men. These guys were doing their best to bring that number down even lower.

I talk a lot. A whole lot. But even if I didn't I can't imagine spending three hours with someone and not talking. It's not like talking would interfere with watching the game. TV timeouts are long. I kind of wonder if those guys rode to the stadium together and sat in silence the whole way to Reliant.

Those are the kinds of things I think about alte at night when I'm trying to sleep.

Ramblings

2009-08-21T15:01:00.000-05:00

I have already mentally checked out for the weekend. Next week will be a little crazy around the office. So instead of pretending to work for another two hours, I thought I'd type up some thoughts for you all to read.

I've been in a little bit of a funk lately. I don't feel bad or anything, I'm just not motivated to do much. I really need to start making a to-do list. I have several things that need to be taken care of, at home and at work, and I have just been pushing them further and further back.

My schedule is about to get a little more hectic. It's finally time for football season. The first home pre-season Texans game is tomorrow and then in two weeks, it'll be time for some trips to College Station. Hopefully the Aggies will make it a little more fun this year. If not, I'll be in the parking lot drinking excessively with some of my favorite drunks.

I'm going to Nashville next month with some friends to visit and to see the Texans play the Titans. I've never been and I'm really looking forward to it.

Another set of friends and I are talking about going on a long weekend trip somewhere. Everyone is spread out across the states so we're trying to pick a destination. Their first choice was Nashville and they want to go the weekend following my Nashville trip. Oops! So now we're tossing around some other places.

I printed out some calendars earlier this week and wrote down all the football games and trips and whatnot I have coming up. I have a blackberry with a calendar on it but there were things saved on it, some on my work outlook calendar and others I just had scribbled on a post it note. (I freaking love Post Its by the way) I am a huge fan of computers and technology but sometimes I just need to see it all out in black and white. If I get industrious (unlikely) I might put them all in the blackberry calendar. Someone informed me I can sync my BB with a google calendar. That might be a better idea. But again, that involves me actually doing it instead of talking about it.

Hopefully by tomorrow I'll have something funny to share. I'm meeting a friend for drinks and dinner tonight so maybe that'll improve my mood!

Insomnia

2009-08-17T09:16:00.000-05:00

I have always wanted to be one of those people that can lay down and fall asleep in less than five minutes. Night after night I lie awake trying to shut off my mind. My brain is almost as talkative as I am in when I'm surrounded by friends.

People who have never suffered from insomnia always have cures, none of which actually work on insomnia. Warm milk, a dark room, a cool room, only using the bedroom for sleep. They all sound like great ideas to people who occasionally have a little trouble trying to sleep. So, they think those are actual cures for insomnia. Those are the people I kind of want to punch in the face, especially after a night where I slept less than 4 hours (and that was with the aid of an over-the-counter sleep aid). Most people really don't understand that you can be exhausted, physically and mentally, and still be unable to fall asleep.

William Shakespeare suffered from insomnia. He apparently used the time more wisely than I do. I toss and turn and try to force sleep. He wrote plays and sonnets and left behind a legacy of greatness. I'll probably leave behind a legacy of laziness and clutter and dolphin laughs.

Shakespeare is one of my favorite writers. Several of his most famous characters were insomniacs. I guess he could relate. One of my favorite quotes on insomnia is from Henry IV:

O sleep, O gentle sleep,
Nature's soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my sense in forgetfulness?
William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part I

Tonight I might use the extra hours of awake-ness to spruce up this blog.

It's a good thing I live alone

2009-08-11T20:16:00.000-05:00

I am in the worst mood, and I have no idea why. I was tired all day but I'm not sure that's why my mood is so bad. I think if someone asked me what was wrong, I'd snap. So I think I'll go read Gone With The Wind (which I'm never going to finish apparently; I'm only 500 pages in) and call it a night. I will update you all on the good times I had in Atlanta tomorrow.

No ma'am!

2009-08-05T13:55:00.000-05:00

It's the first full day of ATL vacation and we're being lazy. It's awesome. Later Jami and I are going to get out and see a movie and hit up Orange Julius. YAY! I know you are all as excited as I am.

We played Wii last night and it turns out, that I'm naturally a pretty good Wii bowler. But I am not good at Wii tennis, baseball, or Mario Kart. I think I can improve my Mario kart tonight. Maybe I need alcohol to drive a cartoon kart. There is a bucket of margaritas in the freezer with my name on it (well, and Jami's name).

The trip here was pretty uneventful. I woke up at 3:20 yesterday because I couldn't sleep. I swung by Shipley and picked up some kolaches for the Georgians. Apparently Georgia hasn't discovered the yumminess of kolaches yet. I was at the airport bright and early by 5:30 for my 7 a.m. flight. Security didn't even notice the pursefull of kolaches. Every time I got something out of it though, my nose filled with the smell of cheese and sausage. drool.

The people watching at the airport is always awesome but the best thing yesterday was a lady on my flight. She had on her "I-am-going-to-Atlanta" pants.

I couldn't take a pic at IAH because it was so quiet at our gate and the Blackberry doesn't have an option to turn the sound off on the camera. (I'm guessing stalkers don't use blackberry camera phones.) Luckily she was right there when I walked off the plane. I give you Atlanta Pants:

The red squares are your standard Coca-Cola logos and the white squares have the vintage saying "it's the real thing" on them. I am guessing she bought them at the World of Coca-Cola on a previous trip (or she's really odd and lives in Atlanta and wasn't being a tourist). I'll be on the lookout tomorrow for any of those pants' cousins.

Today's highlight will be the Orange Julius I'll be drinking later.

Oh, these are the essentials?

2009-08-03T21:40:00.000-05:00

I leave for Atlanta in the morning and I'm feeling pretty anxious. Did I pack everything? Do I know where I'm going? Where I'm parking?

I haven't traveled much in my life. I've been on an airplane nine times. I could count because it wasn't very many! For my very first flight, I did a one-way to Phoenix and came back to Houston via the Car Ride From Hell. It wasn't anyone's fault, but I traveled back with my sister, her husband and their two kids. The youngest one (now middle), was about six months old. Every time it was my turn to sleep, she would cry and scream. I don't blame her, I wanted to do the same! Add in the dog and the cat, and it was a VERY long trip back home.

Of all those trips, I only flew alone that first one. That was pre-911 so not only were the security and everything different, but someone dropped me off and picked me up. So, this is my first real adult airport trip. I booked my own ticket, am driving to the airport and parking in the city economy lot and I'll be all alone.

This is one of those times where I feel like I'm a kid wearing an adult suit. I'm 30 years old and kind of freaked out about doing all of this alone. Is 6 a.m. too early to drink in the airport bar? Is the airport bar even open at 6 a.m.? Probably not -- stupid Texas liquor laws. I don't think they can serve until 8.

I've got my bag all packed. I've got a list of things to do in the morning taped to the back of the front door (am I the only one that does that?). I put a pair of underwear in my purse in case my luggage doesn't make it.

I'm about to go to bed at 10 o'clock for the first time in forever. The alarm should be going off .. shit, I didn't set the alarm. What else am I forgetting?

I leave you with one of my favorite clips from Brian Regan (This is the first time I've added a video so you'll have to click the link and watch it until I figure out how to embed them.)

I'll be coming to you live from Atlanta tomorrow. And I didn't proofread this so hopefully it makes sense and I didn't use the wrong homophone anywhere.

I am not feeling it

2009-07-30T22:09:00.000-05:00

I'm just not feeling the funny tonight. I have to work tomorrow and then I am off for 9 days. I imagine I'll be in a much better mood with much better thoughts tomorrow.

Oh, I do think I have a good name for my grocery store though. Petite's Eats. Thoughts?

Singles in the Kitchen

2009-07-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

I live alone and as an aloner, I rarely cook a big dinner. I can't remember when I started helping in the kitchen. I know Mema (my grandmother, who I miss so much) would pull a chair up to the stove so I could stir the boiling pot of chicken broth and PET milk for the dumplins she was dropping in. I'm not sure letting a kid that couldn't see over the stove near an open flame was such a good idea, but it worked out for me. I was cooking easy dinners for the family by the time I was 12. Jarred spaghetti sauce and noodles? I can do that! Tacos? Done!

So, when I cook dinner now, I make way too much food. I buy way too many groceries to make one meal and I end up throwing a lot of food away. I can only eat Mexican casserole so many times before I'm sick of it. I will sometimes throw it in the freezer, but it just stays there for a few months until I toss it. I don't know why, but I never eat leftovers out of the freezer.

Even when I do cook a meal for myself, I have to buy more of things than I need. I don't need a whole bag of carrots to make chicken noodle soup. Same thing goes for celery ribs (mmm, ribs ... oh sorry, I got distracted).

So, if I had the money to do it and I wasn't a lazy ass -- I mean, seriously, I'm almost too lazy to post on this blog every day -- I'd open a chain of grocery stores for singles and people that don't buy for more than two.

I throw away sleeves of crackers and half-boxes of cereal all the time. I'm not a big ice cream person, so if I buy a half gallon of Blue Bell, I end up tossing at least half of it because it gets freezer burn. (I know, you're all thinking, a fat girl doesn't throw ice cream away. I would rather have an appetizer than a dessert. So I do throw ice cream away)

So, my propsal is this: The anti-Costco. While toilet paper (only Ultra Plush Quilted Northern for my hiney, please) by the ton is a good idea, food by the ton isn't a good idea for a single gal. I can't eat 25 pounds of carrots before they go bad. This anti-Costo needs a name. Dinky's? Pint Size? ooh, maybe PintCo. Mini Market? Petitez? Desparation? I like Petiez so far but maybe I'll come up with something awesomer.

Anyway, this grocery store would only sell the small size of things and you could buy a single carrot or a single chicken breast. Need a tiny amount of cliantro? We've got it. Need just one serving of Cookie Crisp and one cup of soy milk? We've got it. Got a late night craving for a grilled cheese? Come by Petitez and grap a couple slices of bread and a couple slices of cheese. Need one egg and a cup of flour to make cookies?

All of these items would be around the same price per oz/lb as items you buy in "bulk" at the grocery store now. If Ritz crackers are $2.59 for 4 sleeves of crackers, one sleeve would be about 75 cents. A carrot would be like 20 cents. An chicken breast would be $2.

I know I'm not the only singleton with issues like this. According to recent numbers from the Census bureau, there are 92 million single people above the age of 18 in the US. Which is 42% of aged 18 and up Americans.

Plus, when a you see a woman in a regular grocery store with a cart full of cat food, boxes of wine, chocolate bars and Lean Cuisine, you know she is most likely single. If you shopped at store for singles, maybe you wouldn't be the only one wheeling around the cart of hope and desperation.

(BTW, I'm sure everyone caught the sarcasm in that last line, but if not, I like being single and never feel desperate.)

Memories, misty water colored ... (see, I have a problem) ..

2009-07-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Atlanta next week to visit some amazing people and it turns out they have Orange Juliuses (Juli?) there. Back when you could only get Chick-fil-A at the mall food court, there was an Orange Julius a couple of stalls down at the mall we frequented. (Willowbrook Mall was the only one close, so that's where we went. Nothing was really close to Magnolia).

If you aren't familiar with Orange Julius, it's basically a smoothie place. Think Jamba Juice but in the 1980s. Their famous drink is made from orange juice, ice and the eyelashes of a unicorn. OK, so I don't know what is in it. I do know that it was delicious. I'm not sure when OJ left Willowbrook Mall but it's been a very long time. So I'm really looking foward to stopping in for one. I wonder if the people who run OJ and the Coffee Bean get pissed off any time they see someone holding a Jamba Juice cup or a Starbucks' Frappucino.
I kind of wonder though, if it'll be as good as I remeber or if it'll taint the awesome memories I have of the mall food court and it's delicious concoction. Seeing New Kids on the Block did not taint the memories of the Astrodome 1990 show. I just made some great new memories involving NKOTB. Good company goes a long way, so I think that even if the drink isn't as good as I remember, something memorable and meaningful will happen.

Sandpaper pedicure

2009-07-27T20:16:00.000-05:00

Can someone explain to me why my cat likes to lick my feet? Because Katanna does. And if I move my foot under the blanket to make her stop, she crawls under there and continues licking. Anyone that knows me very well knows I hate feet. HATE.THEM. So the fact that she likes licking them grosses me out. Even more than the fact that she licks her own butt. But not as much as the fact that if she barfs, Pan will try to eat it before I can grab paper towels to clean it up.

And while I’m on the subject …when do you know you’re a crazy cat lady? Do the old women with 30 cats living in their house know they are crazy cat ladies? Or are they in denial. I joke around that I have a crazy cat lady starter kit, but what if the people laughing when I say that are just laughing AT me and not WITH me. I might be a few Facebook photos uploaded away from owning fuzzy sweaters with pictures of cats chasing yarn on them and no one has told me.

2009-07-27T10:38:00.000-05:00

It’s one day (er, not even 24 full hours) since I started this blog and I’m already not sure who I should share it with. Do I really want everyone I know to know that I sometimes eat queso cold, straight out of the fridge and that I once peed on the floor a little because a giant tree roach was crawling on the bathroom wall and I was mid-stream? (TMI?)

Hmmmm.

We'll see how it goes the next few days.

Welcome.

2009-07-26T18:02:00.000-05:00

When you’re 15 and envision what your adult life, I don’t think anyone plans on being 30, single, overweight and living with two cats in the ‘burbs. I sure as shit didn’t. But that’s what happened. And it’s not like I’m unhappy with the way things turned out, they are just different. And I might be unhappy if it weren’t for the lovely medication brought to by the letters G, K and S. Thank you GlaxoKlineSmith.

So I thought I’d start a blog because I’m self absorbed enough to think I’m hilarious. And if no one else laughs, well then that just goes to show you that everyone else’s sense of humor sucks. I went to sign up for a blog and I had a great idea for a name: Houston, I am the problem. Turns out some bitch - that doesn’t even live IN Houston - already took that name. Boo. So, maybe I have a problem instead of knowing I do? And by problem, I mean problems, plural. Oh, maybe that one is available. Sweet. So, now I have a blog. With a name. And it needs some TLC but I’m lazy so we’ll see how that goes.

So, the name. And the blog. I have been reading all of Jen Lancaster’s books (which you should read if you haven’t. They are hilarious). She’s inspired me to actually write down the funny shit I think of while I’m home alone. I went into the kitchen a little bit ago and decided on chips and queso for dinner. With a mimosa. What? It’s not like I don’t have 100 lbs to lose or that I am reading a book about a fat girl trying to lose weight (Such A Pretty Fat). So I decided that I'd like to incorporate the name of the city I live in (and love) and the fact that I have issues. Plural.

So once again, I’m going to start tomorrow.

Hopefully I stick with the blogging and the dieting.